When I was done talking, I just needed to get away from everything. I had just found out that some of my supposed "friends" had actually been lying to me and stabbing me in the back the entire time. So I grabbed a cd player and set out on my rollerblades. As I left, I fully intended to keep skating until the morning came, or until I had nowhere left to go. The cold night beat against me, driving me back to where I came from. But I kept going. As I listened to the angry music, I cried out in my mind, wondering what was going to become of me. All of a sudden, all my friendships were thrown into question, as I wondered if everybody was lying to me. Who was on my side? Who was left? What did I have in the world?
I made it half way to Orem... not very far in reality, considering I've skated to Orem several times. As I slowly crawled up the hill, the fear and the hate and the cold wind and the light snow all intensified. And then the music stopped. And I stopped. And I cried. And I was broken.
As I coasted back down that hill I had previously been battling, I cried, and I prayed, and I wallowed in the depths of despair. Slowly, I went home, and slowly, my breaking turned into submission. And slowly, I started to forgive the world, and slowly, I started to see with new eyes.
Am I still as humble as I was last night? Not hardly. But at least now, I can see a little clearer. Am I any happier today? Maybe a little, but at least now, I can feel like happiness might come back.
-JP
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